


Someone that loves you

by septnanis



Category: Kingdom Hearts
Genre: Angst, Anxiety, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Injury, M/M, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Romance, Touch-Starved, Touching, supportive boyfriend
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-28
Updated: 2019-04-28
Packaged: 2020-02-09 05:46:56
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,022
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18632044
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/septnanis/pseuds/septnanis
Summary: Riku's forgotten what it's like to want physical contact. Sora reminds him.





	Someone that loves you

He knew Sora was an affectionate person — he always had been. From when they were little boys, holding hands because Sora was a little frightened in the secret place and Riku holding his hand made him feel safe, to when they were teens, rough housing on the beach. He liked to hug and grab onto arms when he asked a question and just add to whatever emotional connection he had with someone with a physical connection.

 

It went without saying that when they got together, the affection level doubled. Sora had a fixed idea in his mind about how couples should be. Couples held hands, and hugged when they saw each other, and gave each other kisses — cheeks, foreheads, lips, and so on — because they were happy, or to celebrate or just because kissing was just so much fun.

 

It wasn’t that Riku didn’t agree. All manner of kisses were great, but somewhere along the road something changed in Riku. He’d spent long enough not being touched by anyone, besides in a hostile manner, that when he was touched his body nearly protested against it. So whenever he felt like his body would burst whenever his friends would hug him or Sora would lean up to kiss him or nuzzle into his favorite little alcove of Riku’s throat and hood of his jacket he would swallow it down.

 

It was infuriating, because it wasn’t that he didn’t want to be touched. He wanted it so bad, but his body just seemed to go in a small form of shock whenever it happened.

 

One very nice afternoon he waited by the train station in Twilight Town. They usually spent most of their downtime there, because half of their group of friends already lived there and there was lots to do to keep young people entertained. Sora sent Riku a text that they’d come pick him up at the station. So he stayed put and waited patiently.

 

The view from the front of the train station was beautiful as always, golden orange sky making the buildings glow and Riku drifted off into his thoughts.

 

The second two hands placed on his waist from behind his body didn’t even have the chance to freeze before his right arm bent and swung in a backwards arc, colliding with whoever was behind him with a crunching sound and a loud, familiar cry.

 

Riku turned sharply and was immediately filled with horror and shame when he saw Sora’s face, clutched between two hands, blood rushing from between his fingers.

 

“Sora!” Kairi was the first to react, coming up to his side, shoving her hands into her pockets to look for something all while giving Riku a perplexed look. “Riku, what on earth…”

 

The horror melted into panic and protective instincts and he stepped back to summon his Keyblade, pointing it right at Sora to cast a Curaga with a shaky voice. Bright green light surrounded Sora and the other cried out again when his nose — which Riku had apparently _broken_ — snapped back into place.

 

Their other friends joined them, all looking as equally confused and some of them even a little annoyed at Sora covered in blood.

 

“I’m so sorry,” Riku said, his Keyblade dematerialising in an instant. “You just… you startled me!”

 

Sora groaned and held his hands away from his face. “Egh, I’m all sticky.”

 

Riku pulled a handkerchief out of his pocket, one Mickey had given to him once that he took everywhere with him. “Does anyone have any water?” He asked, shame still making his stomach feel like it was full of boiling water.

 

Olette thankfully reacted, pulling a water bottle out of her bag and handed it to Riku. “Thanks,” He said, taking the bottle from her and wetting the handkerchief with it. He began wiping Sora’s face, ignoring the pouty look on the other’s face at getting his face scrubbed like he was a little kid.

 

“Way to go, Riku,” Roxas deadpanned, earning a shush from both Kairi and Xion. They weren’t exactly hostile towards each other, but to say they were friends yet was a bit of stretch. Riku figured they would be eventually, but slamming his elbow in Sora’s face wouldn’t be helping. Roxas was almost as protective of Sora as Riku was.

 

“Sorry…” Riku said in a low voice, feeling like he could actually throw up.

 

“Hey, it’s okay,” Sora replied to him, tilting his head around so he could meet Riku’s eyes. “It was an accident. It doesn’t even hurt anymore.”

 

Once Sora’s face looked sufficiently clean enough, Riku dropped his hand to his side, the handkerchief sodden with water and blood clenched in his fist. “I ruined your clothes. Your brand new jacket…”

 

“It’s just blood, it’ll come out!” Sora said with a grin. “Wouldn’t be the first time I got blood all over my clothes.”

 

Riku didn’t want to think about Sora having blood all over his clothes. He especially didn’t want to think about being the one getting blood all over Sora’s clothes. Most of all he wanted to just be alone now and try not to let the shame of why his boyfriend couldn’t even hug him try not to eat him alive.

 

Anyone who didn’t give Sora credit for being observant was an idiot. He turned to the others. “Guys, can we have a minute? We’ll catch up!”

 

The group shrugged, nodded and gave all manners of acknowledgement before turning to head towards the town square. If possible, the embarrassment Riku felt was even worse. Especially when Sora reached up a hand in an aborted motion to take Riku’s hand in his own but dropped it almost immediately. Like he was scared to touch Riku.

 

“What was that about?” Sora asked, looking both curious and concerned.

 

Riku shook his head. “I uhm… I guess I’m just,” He sighed, now feeling a variation of negative emotions that was tickling at his fight or flight instincts. “I’m having kind of a hard time being… touched.”

 

Just after he’d come back to help Sora return, Yen Sid had walked in on him in a closet in the Mysterious Tower, crouched on a crate in the dark, sobbing like a small child. He’d always hated crying, and he especially hated crying where people could see him. Yen Sid had been patient and hadn’t coddled him but he’d told him to take some time off — mentioned words like trauma and ordeal and exhaustion which sounded more like failure, failure and failure to Riku’s mind — and relax.

 

He’d been anything but relaxed, had trouble sleeping and felt generally useless. But a few weeks into his imposed sabbatical he had been spending more time with Sora, who one day had shyly turned his world upside down — mentioned words like precious person and my light and together which sounded like yes, yes and yes to Riku’s heart — and made him feel like a person again. Not just a wielder of a weapon, or a part of a war but just a young man who was loved.

 

But the touching had been hard. It was only a matter of time until Sora found out.

 

“By me?” Sora asked, trying hard but failing to conceal his disappointment at even the prospect of maybe not being allowed to touch Riku anymore.

 

“No!” Riku said louder than he intended. “I mean, it’s not just you. It’s not you, at all. It’s me.”

 

Then the disappointment vanished and Sora put both hands on his hips with a sigh. “The only thing that’s _you_ is that you think it’s your problem and you have to fix it.” There was still blood drying on Sora’s face, a little around his nose which luckily was still straight and perfect. “We’ll figure it out, okay? But maybe not now… because there’s so many people here!”

“Let me guess, you’re hungry.” Riku teased, feeling just slightly lighter. Being around Sora did that to him.

 

“Yes, but that’s not important!” He could see the wheels turning in Sora’s head, already strategising how he was going to help Riku, even though he had no idea what was even going on with him. As if that even mattered to Sora. Riku needed help andSora was going to give it to him.

 

He balled up the handkerchief and shoved it in his pocket. They didn’t hold hands as they walked down to the square and Riku felt both relieved and horribly bereft.

 

—-

 

Corona was beautiful in the spring, colors everywhere but mostly green. It was one week after the nose breaking incident in Twilight Town and Sora had been throwing out ideas of things they could do for their weekly date.

 

“Ugh, I think I brought way too much food,” Sora said, tilting a little under the weight of the picnic basket in his arms. Riku had offered to carry it but Sora had insisted. After visiting Rapunzel and Eugene they’d gone down into town and Sora bought everything that looked good to eat. The basket had enough food in it to feed them for a week.

 

“Well, if we get stuck out here at least we don’t starve,” Riku replied, hands itching to take the basket so Sora could carry the blanket Riku was burdened with. Sora laughed.

 

“How about over there?” He pointed to a spot underneath a flowering tree, that was just enough in the sun for it to be pleasant,but with enough shade for it not to get too hot. Riku nodded and followed Sora’s lead.

 

When they reached the spot Riku unfolded the blanket and laid it out. It was pretty and colorful and Rapunzel had given it to them, insisting they go out in the woods for a picnic because it was a perfect day for a date, then bemoaned how she wished Eugene would take her out on a date more often.

 

They both toed off their shoes and sat on their knees on the blanket. Sora hauled the basket over and peered inside. “We’ve got… cheese and sausage and oh, cake!” Riku had put that in there, he knew how much Sora liked cake. “Raspberry juice, this looks good. We really did bring too much…”

 

Riku watched Sora unpack the basket and took whatever Sora gave him and ate it diligently. He’d never been a picky eater, but the hearty food in Corona especially agreed with him.

 

Some time later, they were well and truly full and Sora rolled off his knees and onto his side, moaning loudly how he’d eaten too much. If there wasn’t something really wrong with Riku he could’ve stood up and sat by Sora, let his best friend and boyfriend rest his head on his lap like he knew he wanted to.

 

“Hey,” Sora said gently, sitting up. “I know that face. That’s an unhappy Riku face.”

 

For all that Riku had a hard time voicing how he felt, his face had little difficulty showing the world what he was feeling on the inside. And no one was better at spotting it than Sora.

 

“Why don’t you like it? Being touched?” Sora asked, straightforward.

 

Riku sighed, his instincts to get up and run kicking in again like they had a week ago. But he knew he needed to say it.

 

“I don’t… not like it. I do like it. But for a long time… nobody touched me. Not in a way that didn’t hurt.” He suddenly remembered being fifteen years old again and loving his best friend in a way he wished he’d love him back but being utterly convinced he never would and keeping everyone including him at arm’s length. “I guess now that it’s happening again, I’m having a hard time dealing with it.”

 

Being an affectionate person, Sora looked as if he could barely fathom what it must be like to not want to be touched but he also looked a little sad.

 

“It was my own fault,” Riku said, holding up a hand before Sora could protest. “The choices I made. It’s alright.” It didn’t feel alright, he felt a little nauseous again, laying himself so bare even if it was Sora. “You know how when you haven’t done something for a while and the first time you do it again, it’s a little overwhelming?”

 

Much to Riku’s surprise, Sora nodded enthusiastically. “After I was asleep for a year, I was really clumsy with the Keyblade at first. For a little while it kept slipping out of my hand or I’d be a little slow with summoning it. I made sure Donald and Goofy never noticed, but I felt really stupid.”

 

Sora crawled on his hands and knees to Riku, so they sat on their knees across from one another. “Do you want to touch people? Or be touched?” He asked sincerely. “Because if you don’t, that’s okay!”

 

A warm feeling rushed through him, pushing the nausea away just slightly. Of course Sora would be understanding.

 

“I do,” Riku replied though, because he really did. He wanted to kiss and hug his boyfriend and get friendly shoves from his friends without being filled with panic.

 

“So maybe, we just start slow. You just have to teach your body how to want to be touched again, to not see it as something bad. That we’re not going to hurt you.”

 

Out of nowhere, emotion bubbled up inside Riku and his eyes felt hot, a tear running down his cheek before he could catch himself. “Sorry, I…” He scrubbed at his cheek with one hand, feeling a little foolish.

 

Sora shushed him and shook his head. “Don’t be,” He said, still with that gentle tone. “It’s okay to be sad sometimes, you keep way too much bottled up inside. That’s what you have me for, so I can help you and make you happy again.”

 

Riku sniffled, running one more hand underneath his eyes. “You always make me happy.” He said and he didn’t feel foolish about that.

 

Sora looked like he could burst with how happy he looked, his blue eyes shining. He pulled one of his gloves off and held it out to Riku. “Let’s start slow,” He offered.

 

“It may…” Riku was trying to be honest about how he felt, even if it went against who he had tried to be for so long. “It may take awhile.”

 

Sora’s smile made his heart fly. “I brought food for a week, you think I’ve got anywhere I’d rather be?”

 

—-

 

Four months later found them back in Corona, only now it was late summer so the leaves were green and golden and the grass was fragrant where they sat on the same blanket they sat whenever they went to the forest.

 

Riku lay on his back, eyes closed, the sunlight dappling through the leaves of the tree above. Pressed up against his side Sora lay, his face tucked into Riku’s throat, lips sending a shiver down his back whenever Sora spoke or laughed at something he said. One of Riku’s arms was behind his head, the other wrapped around Sora’s waist to pull him closer. Sora had wrapped both arms around him and hooked one leg over Riku’s own.

 

It had taken time, trial and error, for Riku to get used to be touched and touching others again. He’d managed to not break anyone’s nose again but there still had been times he’d kept everyone, even Sora, at arm’s length because he felt panicky and anxious at the idea of being in direct contact with anyone.

 

The first time they kissed without his insides feeling like they were on fire it had felt like heaven to Riku, every dream he’d ever had since he was old enough to realise Sora was more precious to him than anyone else coming true with one soft press of lips.

 

“Hey,” Sora mumbled sleepily from his favorite spot, tucked in between Riku’s throat and the hood of his jacket. One hand drifted from Riku’s belly to tuck underneath his shirt, the skin on skin contact warm and pleasant. Riku hummed in return. “… oh boy, I forgot what I was gonna say.”

 

Riku laughed, leaning over to press a kiss in between messy chestnut hair. “Must’ve been important.”

 

“Not as important as this,” Sora teased, curling his fingertips over the ridges of Riku’s abs that tensed automatically. “Could you maybe stop, for my sake? I’m still short and skinny.” He’d shot up two inches since they’d gotten back, but he did seem to have a hard time filling out.

 

“You’re perfect,” Riku said and leaned down to kiss his mouth, the taste of their lunch still clinging to his lips. “Besides, at least one of us has to be impressive.” He truly believed Sora was the most impressive person he’d ever met, but he knew Sora felt a little uncomfortable being considered anything but an ordinary young man. Being teased and teasing back was something Sora enjoyed, because it made him feel normal.

 

“I’ll definitely be impressive, when I take the Mark of Mastery next week!” Sora exclaimed, digging his fingers into the spots he was holding Riku. Riku had been beside himself that Sora had to take the Mark again, had ranted for what seemed like hours to both Mickey and Yen Sid. When it came to light that it had been Sora to request it, he’d been shocked.

 

“You’ll pass with flying colors, I know that,” Riku encouraged, echoing the words Sora had said to him after he was named a Keyblade master.

 

Sora smiled and sighed happily, looking straight at Riku. Riku smiled back at him, their noses almost touching. He no longer felt any nausea, no more anxiety or fear, he enjoyed being in Sora’s company, feeling the warm weight of him pressed up against his side, constantly looking forward to the next time they hugged or kissed.

 

It must have shown, because Sora smiled even wider and said, “There you are.”

 

Riku pressed his forehead to Sora’s with his eyes closed, and felt the light that moved through the leaves warm on his face, “Here I am.”

**Author's Note:**

> Been reading about touch-starved Riku on my Twitter TL for weeks now and I figured to write a little something for it. I realise Riku touches Sora a few times during KH3 but he seems so careful and hesitant about it, like he's not sure if he wants to to or if he's allowed to, etc. Guy gets in his head and gets lost there. Also he (and many others in KH) could do with a little therapy. 
> 
> I think this means I've reached 100.000 words of fanfic since January, so I really want to celebrate that. By writing more, I guess! 
> 
> As always, hope you enjoyed them being soft and in love and if you want to share that with me, you can always follow me on Twitter at @laughertea.


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